Some people never learn - are you one of them?
Have you had the same type of relationships over and over again, only to find that they keep ending the same?
Do you keep on getting the same outcome out of life and still find yourself sitting there on a Sunday night lonely?
Do you think money can buy you happiness and friends when in fact it hasn't?
These are the questions many people need to ask themselves. You can have everything in life, yet have nothing. You can be onto a good thing, but give it up because you have a natural push pull personality and have never learnt how to deal with it properly.
Your business can be going down the same road it was 5 years ago with no real growth and no employee loyalty, because you haven't dealt with the issues and your influence on making your business stagnant.
Perhaps you micro manage and then wonder why your team can't think for themselves.
Being a person with a lot of friends, I am constantly hearing people have the same conversations that they were having the year beforehand.
They break up with someone and it is always the other persons fault and of course they play no part in it. They find a relationship unfulfilling, yet they didn't give 10% of their emotions to it and wonder why they are not over the Micro manage, oon in love. They have a business that just doesn't seem to be getting anywhere and employees are leaving in the droves, but of course it cannot be anything they are doing wrong. Right? Wrong!
As a person who is very in touch with their emotions, I am passionate about everything. I am definately passionate about business. I love it! It is my second love aside from my dog and it gives me a thrill that nothing else in my life has ever done.
I have the most endearing, thoughtful friends in the world. They always are there for me whether I am happy or sad. They support me in so many different ways. I could not imagine how my life would be without them.
I also am blessed with a beautiful family. Each person is so different, yet so special. The bond we have and the moments we share are memories that mean so much to me.
In relationships, I have gone out with smart, interesting men who typically have touched my life in one way or another and created a lasting memory. When I am in love, I love. I am 100% giving and in the moment. I am naturally a bit of dreamer but being a Virgo, that is luckily placed into a box and works to my advantage.
In a business deal or in life, a person who is well-balanced always looks at two sides of the equation. They think about why something is done, how people have come to the conclusions that they have and they formulate an opinion based on relevance, facts and understanding.
To learn is a gift. It is something that we are blessed with and that will benefit us not only as individuals but how we see the world and how the world sees us.
I make mistakes every day in business, but hopefully, at the end of each day when I reflect on the day, I can look back and think of how I could have done things better and handled things differently.
Naturally, I am self-critical, so I am always doing this and I know in the last couple of years, my business acumen and leadership capabilities has benefited immensely.
Personally, I take time out. I look at situations and relationships and think about how I can be more forgiving and understand people and their circumstances better.
Many people cannot do this and I feel really sad for them. So many people that cross my path are stuck in their ways and have no self-reflection. They are always right and the world is wrong. But, I have to say, each one of them, no matter how successful they have become are sad and lonely. They just have a good poker face. Are you one of them?
How can you learn to learn?
From a business perspective, hire a business coach. Make sure the chemistry is right and that they are not afraid to challenge you. Do an independent survey of your employees and clients. Find out how they see you.
In life, think about seeing a counsellor of some description. I love how Americans and in particular, New Yorkers, all have a shrink. It makes sense. You can talk through your issues, how you see the world and get valuable feedback and methods in which you can improve yourself and ultimately your level of happiness. Discuss what you are doing with your close friends. Encourage them to be open and honest with you. Don't put up a protective shield around you - and be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear.
I remember last year having a conversation with a group of my close friends as to why I am single. They replied, "it's simple, no man has ticked all the boxes". I said, "that is ridiculous, I have no boxes for them to tick". Think again. I did. My list was long. Very long. Embarrassingly long. At first, I thought they were crazy. I am not that picky I kept telling myself.
A few months later, I listened. It was true. So, I worked out what were deal breakers and what were not. And now, if I am dating someone who I am thinking about ending it with, I write a list of their good points and their bad points and then I go through the deal breakers.
Mellissah Smith, Atlanta.